I am scared of fame. I want a modest life with my partner, with a few kids and a German Shepherd puppy…we talk about the future quite frequently. I crave that modest lifestyle, however there are things in this world that are worth dying for. Even though I really do not want to suffer such a harsh fate; part of the reason for that is I believe I have a considerable amount of things to say.
I just realized today that my life could change forever. I am currently experiencing mania, and I have no idea what my mental health status is. However, it has very recently come to my attention that schizophrenia is not in my medical file at all…
How could I have been so naive? Psychiatry is still in its infancy, and I truly hope one day that it will not be. A person will feel like they have to jump through hoops just to get diagnosed. How many people in this world end up slipping through the cracks? It seems to always lead to a devastating outcome whenever that happens, does it not?
Anyone reading this should definitely take this insight of mine with a grain of salt, since I am not a mental health professional by any means. I am truly wondering if there is a way to manipulate paranoia and mania. In a way where does not feel like you are wielding a double edged sword. Due to my personal experiences with mental health, I can honestly say that there are two things I can look at that are quite substantial.
For one, the paranoia seems to keep me in line. I will be very careful with what I want to reveal about myself to others. In this day and age of highly advanced telecommunications, such a thing is highly imperative.
These words I am about to quote are not my own. I happened to stumble on an article that went into detail about the power of social media.
“Truly think about what you are sharing with the world, because you are expressing yourself in ways no being in thousands of years has been able to accomplish.”
It’s profound. I can see why the author of the article decided to go with thousands of years, instead of decades. The meaning becomes even more substantial when you stretch the amount of time itself into the dark ages.
The second point I have to mention, is that experiencing mania is so hindering to anyone. I am so scatter brained right now, and all these ideas pouring into my mind are just…they are terrifying and they can also be formidable. I’m writing all of this down, anything that pops into my mind out of nowhere. Not just on this blog, but on a notepad the hospital staff handed to me just yesterday…
This fentanyl crisis sucks so bad. I fully realize you cannot help someone that does not want help…that is just the way it is unfortunately. Everyone comes to terms with this in their own way, whether it be by becoming embittered or fully embracing that there are certain things in your life that are completely beyond your control.